STAF_RFP_Attachment_9i_Technical Exhibit USAICoE Handbook_First Edition_012815.pdf

USAICoE Handbook 1

UNITED STATES ARMY INTELLIGENCE CENTER OF EXCELLENCE

USAICoE Writer’s Handbook Reference Guide for the USAICoE Writing Standards

CPT Marissa Dey, 111th MI BDE Andrew Winslow, Ph.D., Teaching, Learning and Technology Division

1/28/2015

First Edition

USAICoE Handbook 2

Contents

U.S. Army Intelligence Center of Excellence (USAICoE) Handbook

A Foreword from the Editors

U.S. Army Standards for Communication

Importance and Features of Army-Style Communication

Criteria for USAICoE Writing Standards

Standard 1: Analysis – Arguments Based on Evidence

Evidence of Strong Analysis

Example of an Analytical Paragraph

Standard 2: Purpose – Putting a “Bottom Line Up Front”

Characteristics of the “Bottom Line Up Front”

Coherence

Macro-Level Coherence

Micro-Level Coherence

Further Consideration: Defining your Purpose

Standard 3: Voice – Active vs. Passive Constructions

Evidence of Passive Voice

Further Consideration: Changing Passive Voice Constructions to Active Voice

Standard 4: Concision – Keeping Everything as Short as Possible

Building Blocks of Concision: Written Units

Clarity in Writing (Excerpt from “Action Officer – Staff Writing”)

Write Short Paragraphs

Use Short, Conventional Words

Write Short Sentences

Standard 5: Accuracy

Spelling

Punctuation

Grammar

Mechanics

Future Developments in the USAICoE Handbook

Standard 1: Analysis – Feedback

Standard 2: Purpose – Feedback

Standard 3: Voice – Feedback

USAICoE Handbook 3

Standard 4: Concision – Feedback

Standard 5: Accuracy – Feedback

Other Recommendations

Appendices

Appendix A: Matrix of Writing Resources

Appendix B: USAICoE Analytic Rubric

Appendix C: USAICoE Analytic Rubric – Holistic Scoring Guide

Appendix D: USAICoE Scoring Sheet

Glossary

Bibliography

USAICoE Handbook 4

U.S. Army Intelligence Center of Excellence (USAICoE) Handbook

A Foreword from the Editors

The most difficult point for most students to understand – faculty members and intelligence professionals, too – is that you are writing intelligence papers in an academic environment. For that reason we need to ensure that students leave the course with a clear idea of what constitutes a well-written intelligence paper.1

-James S. Major

Writing well as an intelligence professional means wrestling two seemingly contradictory skill sets:

explaining the detailed results of critical thinking and communicating with ruthless efficiency. Our goal for this handbook is to help all USAICoE Soldiers to master both. As defined by AR 25-50, Preparing and Managing Correspondence, effective Army writing transmits a clear message in a single, rapid reading and is generally free of errors in grammar, mechanics, and usage. This in itself is a high standard – made higher by the expectation that Soldiers will also add analysis and intensive research into the mix.

And yet, this is why the USAICoE standard exists: to explain the expectations for communicating using Army style and critical thinking in all intelligence coursework. The current priority of the program is the deployment of the USAICoE standard within 111th and the aligning of the existing curriculum, assessment materials, and instruction towards that standard.

Additionally, a secondary goal is encouraging ongoing professional development. All activities of the writing program aim toward assisting students and instructors to take ownership of their own progress for continuous improvement with the support of USAICoE resources. To do this we created the following USAICoE resources: Writing Handbook, Writing Standards Assessment Tools, Instructor Training, master writing assessment plan, and the self-paced tutoring website content.

With the completion of these tools, the Writing Program will begin a controlled implementation starting with the courses within the 304th MI BN. As instructors and students, you will begin to see an introductory class to the materials and the beginning use of these tools on all writing assignments with significant course manager input. The Education Specialists will begin requesting test grades from the first and last writing assignments within each course to assess growth and competency of the program.

Furthermore, the MI Library has launched the LIBGUIDE website2 which will have the online tutoring content and tools for you to access as you encounter writing challenges or questions.

The command has confidence in your ability to internalize good writing, reading, and research habits.

Any Soldier who reaches USAICoE has already demonstrated a strong intellect and a mind for analysis and this program will simply provide another tool for your career success.

Sincerely, CPT Marissa Dey, 111th MI BDE Writing Program and co-editor Andrew Winslow, Ph.D., Learning Innovation Branch and co-editor

1 James S. Major, Communicating With Intelligence: Writing and Briefing for National Security, 2nd ed., Lanham: Rowman and Littlefield, 2014, 8.

2 See the site here: <http://intellibrary.libguides.com/writing>

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Fig. 1: Writing, Reading, and Research connected by Analysis

U.S. Army Standards for Communication

Importance and Features of Army-Style Communication

All written communication for USAICoE should bear the key hallmarks of Army style:

Analysis

Concision

Correctness

According to AR 25-50, every Army document should include a “bottom line” that is easy for the reader to find at the beginning of the document, be clear enough to read and understand in a single pass, and be as short as possible without losing the meaning.3 As such, the Army is clear about its priorities: time is considered a resource and readers cannot afford to waste it on vague, lengthy, and abstract documents.

The expectation is that the author, not the audience, should do most of the work.

With this in mind, intelligence professionals strive to be an intellectual triple-threat. They must be able to:

Find and process large volumes of information

Analyze these sources to develop intelligence

Communicate these findings effectively

Currently, the main focus of this handbook is communication – specifically written communication; however, we strongly recommend thinking about these skills as interrelated, rather than separate (see Fig.

1). These abilities are strongly connected by analysis, and frequent attention to any one area will have benefits to the others. For example, tackling a specific and difficult writing assignment may require reading works by expert authors, where doing so will expose you to their writing styles, sentence structures, and analysis of evidence.

Understanding and emulating their style takes analysis on your part and will create a rucksack of techniques that you can apply later.

While we will cover broad techniques and use specific examples from USAICoE, it is critical to remember that the key to “good” writing is to adapt to the needs and expectations of your audience. Because your unit/course will likely ask you to perform a variety of writing tasks, each with different audiences, purposes, and requirements, we’ve stressed the principles of Army writing throughout this manual to encourage adaptability. Field practices may vary, but the principles will remain the same.

3 U.S. Department of the Army, Army Regulation 25-50: Preparing and Managing Correspondence (Washington, DC: GPO, 2013), 6.

Writing

ReadingAnalysisResearch

USAICoE Handbook 6

Criteria for USAICoE Writing Standards

In regards to the USAICoE writing standard, our end goal is for each graduate to possess the ability to compose any text using the perspective of an intelligence professional.

Functionally, this means using the principles of AR 25-50 and applying them to all documents. To simplify them for training purposes, we have summarized them within three principles:

1) Establish the argument and purpose for your text

2) Make the point as quickly and as easily recognizable as possible

3) Adhere to the expectations and rules of U.S. Army, professional, and academic writing

In this case, “professional expectations” are the same as industry standards or “best practices” for the writing. For example, if you need to write an email, the email should adhere to the best professional advice available for writing emails while still conforming to U.S. Army style. Figure 2 illustrates this idea by showing the overlap between the three most common writing standards that intersect within USAICoE.

USAICoE coursework incorporates these principles and will further define these skills (analysis, purpose, concision, voice, accuracy and style) as applied to the specific assignments in your area and MOS. These are shown in Appendix B which shows the associated behavioral anchors (literally, a behavior that instructors look for to “anchor” their assessments) issued to each of these skills for grading purposes.

Appendix C has the Instructor Scoring Guide issued to all instructors in which the Go vs No Go criteria will be based on the course criticality assessments.

Be ready to adapt to the specific challenges found in your writing assignments as your instructors modify the criteria to match your critical tasks. The more critical your task, the higher the standard will be in that area.

U.S. Army Style

Academic Training

Professional Expectations

USAICoE Standard

Fig. 2: The USAICoE standard unifies the intersection between U.S. Army style expectations, academic training, and professional communication expectations.

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Breakdown of Standard 1: Analysis

Sources: AR 25-50, CGSC 22-2, CAS3

Behavioral Anchor: Length of Analysis

Overview:

1. Analysis is a fundamental skill for Intelligence writing

2. Analysis drives argument and persuasion

3. Instructors watch for two features: the quality of analysis and the length of analysis

What to Expect: Instructors will check your writing to see how much time on the page you devote to analysis as opposed to summary and paraphrase.

Standard 1: Analysis – Arguments Based on Evidence

As an intelligence professional, your use of analysis will be process-focused, converting information from various sources into intelligence products. According to JP 1-02, this requires “the integration, evaluation, analysis, and interpretation of all source data” in addition to any user requirements for the final product.4

Analysis is an intellectual process that

Closely examines an idea, object, or belief

By breaking it down into constituent components

To study and describe the relationships

Between individual pieces as they relate to the whole.

As opposed to summary, which describes what something is, analysis investigates why the pieces of information exist and how they operate together.

The simplest form of an analytical paper has approximately five paragraphs:

1. Introduction, including a thesis statement that identifies both the point to be made and the general facts that support it

2. Details of first support area

3. Details of a second support area

4. Details of a third support area

5. Conclusion, often including a summation of the main point or argument

You provide an initial fact or summary for each support area (10%) and then the remainder of each paragraph is the analysis based on that fact. This allows you to tie together the argument as well as address not only the analysis that supports your conclusion, but also address the facts that seem to speak against your conclusion.

An argument is a written or spoken presentation of analysis that explains your major proposition (thesis or main point), delivers evidence that supports your conclusion, and shows the evidence of reasoning.

Arguments in professional settings are formal and should be persuasive. Your goal as an author is to become as knowledgeable as possible about the subject of your argument. In doing so, your reader will recognize the strength of your recommendation as an informed opinion. For example consider the following statements:

Opinion: I think chocolate ice cream is the best.

Informed opinion: Dark chocolate ice cream is higher in antioxidants, and is slightly higher in nutritional value compared to milk chocolate ice creams. It’s also a better choice for people on low-fat, low-sugar diets because it has less of both.

4 U.S. Army, “Analysis and Production,” Joint Publication 1-02: Dictionary of Associated Military Terms (Washington, DC: GPO, 2014), 14.

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In the first example, the author provides no room for debate and the statement is a matter of personal opinion. The basis of the statement relies on the author’s own experience and impressions. The second statement is much more specific. The author’s statements about dark chocolate ice cream include which ingredients are beneficial and who they will be beneficial for. There is also room for debate, but it’s clear that any counter-arguments will also need supporting evidence and facts to refute the statement.

Evidence of Strong Analysis

USAICoE Instructors look for three indicators to confirm that analysis is taking place in student writing.

In general, they check to see that:

The argument is issue-focused

The author analyzes facts

The author analyzes credible, primary sources

Similarly, writers should devote substantial “time” on the page to analysis in their arguments. While summary, paraphrase, and quotations from primary sources are important, readers will need to see your conclusions and recommendations drive the document. Below is the USAICoE Analytic Rubric scale for measuring analysis:

Analysis can be a difficult process to master, but keeping an eye on quantities will help. How much summary did you include on the page? Are you spending enough time making your argument or are you summarizing someone else’s? These diagnostic questions will guide you toward creating better arguments and more focused papers.

USAICoE Criteria

6 – Advanced 5 - Proficient 4 – Competent 3 – Developing 2 - Inexperienced 1 - Inadequate

Analysis:

Argument Based on Evidence

Argument is issue-focused and analyzes fact/primary sources (roughly 90% analysis and 10% summary/ paraphrase)

Argument is issue-focused and analyzes fact/primary sources (roughly 80% analysis and 20% summary/ paraphrase)

Argument is issue-focused and analyzes fact/primary sources; paper is between 50 -75% analysis

Argument is issue-focused and analyzes fact/primary sources; paper is roughly 50% analysis, 50% summary/ paraphrase

No argument --paper relies on opinion or speculation instead of analysis (75%);

summarizes secondary sources

(10-25%)

No argument --nearly 100% of the paper is either opinion/ speculation or a summary/ paraphrase of secondary sources

Fig. 3: Excerpt of the Analysis criteria from the USAICoE Analytical Rubric.

USAICoE Handbook 9

Because we know that insurgents (INS) within 10km of the base STAR have historically only used pressure plate improvised explosive devices (PPIEDs) to engage coalition forces (CFs), we can reasonably assess that they will likely use PPIEDs to attack CFs for the remainder of the year. Furthermore, if we take into consideration the following:

PPIEDs are the cheapest form of targeting CFs and also require the least amount of training for use

PPIEDs are often detonated away from base operations and logistical networks to distract from the real operational necessity of that area

PPIEDs are often emplaced in random areas and times to analyze CF responses for future engagements

PPIEDs are the safest method for INS to target CFs without risking their personnel

There are several donkey trails and passages from this area into Pakistan that have had 0x INS activity within 30 days.

Several caravans have been spotted moving through these trails prior to attacks further to the North.

We can assess that the INS network surrounding base STAR is a relatively unsophisticated support network designed to assist the overall operational plan of the region. Using harassment style engagements of only PPIEDs, the network distracts from the real mission of that area which is the logistical route from Pakistan moving supplies north to the areas of heavy enemy activity.

Additionally, it is plausible they are informing other networks of CF response to their attacks. My recommendation would be to begin conducting reconnaissance and surveillance on the routes.

Author’s analysis and original insights – about 90% of the paragraph, not including the evidence

Fig. 4: Sample paragraph with analysis portions highlighted in red font. Note that the author’s topic sentence and claims are part of the analysis.

Example of an Analytical Paragraph

To give you a better idea of how instructors calculate the length and quality of analysis, below is a sample paragraph illustrating detailed analysis. Note that while evidence is prominent within the paragraph (the five bullet points in the middle), the author maintains a focus on drawing conclusions from the informed opinions and facts provided by the primary sources.

To further support this argument, the author could use each primary source fact as the topic sentence to a subsequent paragraph, and then use the remaining 90% of the paragraph to analyze how the evidence supports the main point. The more facts that are given without analysis, the less sophisticated the analysis and the more summative the argument becomes. While summary is important, your readers will rely heavily on your conclusions and insights in order to formulate plans for action.

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Breakdown of Standard 2: Purpose

Sources: AR 25-50, CGSC 22-2

Behavioral Anchor: Location of Purpose statements, including main point

Overview:

1. Determining the “bottom line” first requires analysis; putting it “up front” requires organization

2. Army audiences expect – and need – to receive high priority information quickly

3. Instructors watch for two features: the clarity of the bottom line (Analysis) and its physical location(s) in the document

What to Expect: Instructors will check your documents to find the location of your main point and other instances that define your purpose for writing.

Standard 2: Purpose – Putting a “Bottom Line Up Front”

As an intelligence professional, your audience will be primarily interested in the conclusions that you’ve drawn as the result of your analysis. Time is at a premium for an Army audience, and the longer it takes to reach the main point, the less commitment the author can count on. The solution is to frontload your documents with the most important information first, which is why the Army requires putting your “bottom line up front.”

For any document or written unit of text, the front refers to its beginning:

The front of a sentence is the first few words, The front of a paragraph contains the first few sentences, And the front of an academic paper includes the title and introduction.

The start of any section of writing will create the impression for the reader.

Remember: distance in writing = the reader’s time.

Reports rely heavily on summary and paraphrase, but still require some analysis within the description to set priorities and create reader interest. For example, compare these two versions of report titles:

“Risks of Deployment Response Time Along Kyrzikistan Border”

“Report on Kyrzikistan Border”

The first is not only clearer, but it prioritizes the main reason for the report’s existence and cues the reader about the “point” of the document. While this statement does not reveal a bottom line – which may not be appropriate for a report – it does indicate that it will provide the information necessary for the reader to decide how to address the risks mentioned in the title.

Characteristics of the “Bottom Line Up Front”

The top priority here is to state the bottom line as soon in the document as conventions allow. For assessment, instructors will search for the location of your main point.

Below are some indicators that the bottom line is up front (these are not comprehensive):

Author locates the main point within the top 2-10% of the document.

Document contains a clear, descriptive title or subject line, as appropriate.

Main point indicates the bottom line or purpose for writing.

Author arranges supporting information in short, organized paragraphs under clear, logical headings. (See Coherence, below)

For academic writing, the first paragraph should contain a clearly stated thesis within the first paragraph.

USAICoE Handbook 11

Body paragraphs contain topic sentences

When in doubt, refer to the principle. Can you state your main point earlier in the document without losing your reader? If so, revise accordingly.

Because USAICoE coursework relies on academic conventions as well as Army style, your may be expected to ignore conventional practice in favor of Army style. For example, while it is acceptable and common for most research papers to locate a thesis at the end of the introduction, if your instructor shows you a more appropriate technique for your coursework that places it as the first sentence, do that instead.

While not comprehensive, the table to the right details some common styles of writing found within USAICoE and the conventional location of the main point within each.

Though some styles of writing encourage using the body of the paper to “build up” to your conclusion to leave a lasting impression, this is not consistent with Army style.

Remember: Army style requires leading with the bottom line up front.

Also note: writers who struggle through early drafts may arrive at their main point in the middle of the document, though this can be easily corrected through additional drafts.

USAICoE Criteria

6 – Advanced 5 - Proficient 4 – Competent 3 – Developing 2 - Inexperienced 1 - Inadequate

Purpose:

“Bottom Line Up Front”

Main point is located within the top 2% of the document5

Main point is located in the top

5% of the document

Main point is located in the top

10% of the document

Main point is located in the conclusion, rather than the introduction

Main point is in the middle of the document6

No main point included, or main point is too broad/vague to be recognized

5 This varies by the appropriate convention; for example, a memo or email should include the main point as the first line, whereas an argumentative essay includes it after a short introduction to begin the analysis paragraphs. The clarity of the document’s purpose should defer to the Analysis portion of the assessment, as establishing a document’s “bottom line” requires analytical reasoning.

6 Intermediate writers will generally arrive at conclusions near the end of paragraphs and essays, rather than recognize their conclusion to place earlier in the document. Developmental writers may not have or recognize the main point until the middle of the document, using the final paragraphs and conclusion to support the point rather than draw conclusions.

Document Type Conventional Location of Main Point

(BLUF)

Intelligence Analysis Top 2% of the document, roughly second or third sentence of opening paragraph

Memo, Email First sentence of the message

Also included in the Subject line, though with less detail

Argument Top 5-10% of the document

Usually places the thesis at the end of the introduction paragraph

Title should correlate to the main point as a “preview” or miniature version of the thesis

Body paragraphs should contain topic sentences

Report Title

Final paragraph sometimes includes analysis of findings, call for action, or recommendations

Fig. 5: Examples of common documents with conventional locations for the main point. Army writers should seek to deliver the main point (bottom line) as soon as conventions will allow.

Fig. 6: Excerpt of the Purpose criteria from the USAICoE Analytical Rubric.

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Coherence

There are no guarantees that your readers will understand your argument for the duration unless it is coherent. To keep a document coherent, authors need to imply a structure and then follow it throughout the document. This creates a repetition for your purpose so that the reader can follow your argument throughout. For longer documents, it helps to:

1) Introduce what you’re going to say or argue

2) State your case or report

3) And then explain the importance of what you’ve said.

Below are some examples of how to do this while addressing “big picture” concerns in your writing (macro-level coherence) and ways to address coherence during editing and proofreading (micro-level coherence).

Macro-Level Coherence

Macro-level coherence takes place throughout the paper and addresses the overall structure and argument of the document.

Some key techniques include:

Using clearly identified headings to break up large sections.

Define key terms for the reader and use them consistently.

o For example, if the author uses the word “small” to describe the size of a road obstacle, and then later changes to using the word “short,” the reader will be confused about the dimensions of the obstacle ahead.

Using a “pronged” argument, e.g. “There are three reasons why we need to pursue this course of action…”

Using a clear, common analogy or metaphor. For example, if using a metaphor of burrowing to describe terrorists on the run:

o Topic sentence 1: “Currently the terrorists have gone to ground somewhere in… o Topic sentence 2: “We believe that they have dug in deep in the Dazhakastan region.”

o Topic sentence 3: “Rooting them out will take a commitment of X, Y, and Z resources.”

Identifying an analytical method in your introduction, e.g. “From what intelligence can piece together” (implies reconstruction)

Using the purpose of the document, tie the conclusion back to the introduction. Any issues posed in the front of the paper should be answered throughout the middle and summarized

Micro-Level Coherence

Micro-level coherence takes place at the sentence level

Author indicates logical pattern for organization and follows it in all sections, bullet lists, paragraphs, etc.

o Example indicator: “The 12-car ‘pile-up’ was actually a combination of accidents that progressed rapidly in roughly three phases.”

Supporting sentence 1: “During phase one, the Honda sedan’s engine seized due to a sudden loss of oil pressure, forcing the driver to steer for the shoulder.”

USAICoE Handbook 13

Supporting sentence 2: “During phase two, three cars entering from the on-ramp attempted to avoid collision with the Honda sedan by steering towards the middle lane, however, they turned too sharply and crossed the median.

Supporting sentence 3: “During phase three, one of the cars that crossed into the median flipped end-over-end into an overhead street lamp on the other side of the freeway, knocking it over into traffic.

Concluding sentences: “According to Police and eyewitness testimony, the entire series of events elapsed in less than five seconds, but were still a series of discrete events. While the falling street lamp and hard vehicle stops caused damage to an additional eight vehicles, calling the accident a ‘pile up’ is misleading.”

Author uses transition sentences to drive the argument or report. One technique is to repeat key words and concepts o Example transition: “Because of this, no one is exactly sure about the future prospects of colonization on Mars.”

o New paragraph: “However, the Ares Project science team may have the best chance at not only reaching Mars, but colonizing it as well within the next decade.”

Further Consideration: Defining your Purpose

Every document written within USAICoE should have an explicitly defined purpose. Readers should understand – and understand quickly – the “so what?” of the document. Why should the reader care about the document and the arguments it contains? This may include, but is not limited to:

Persuading – attempting to change the mind of your reader to adopt an idea or course of action.

o Examples: argumentative essay, memos, debate

Informing – sharing important knowledge with your audience.

o Examples: warning signs, diagnostics, status updates

Reporting – telling the audience what happened objectively.

o Examples: journalism, fact-finding, summary, and paraphrase

Explaining – telling the audience why something happened or how something works.

o Examples: teaching, instructions, reference works

Describing – providing a highly detailed summary, usually broken down by key features.

o Examples: technical manuals, lists, textbooks

Entertaining – conveying humor, drama, romance or a sense of adventure.

o Examples: public speeches, literature, multimedia videos

Presenting (an opinion) – offering personal insight or wisdom from direct experience.

o Examples: professional blogs, editorials, news commentary

Most documents have more than one purpose. For example, the President’s annual State of the Union Address has a primary purpose of reporting on the status of the nation’s government, but it is also an opportunity to persuade the audience about the direction for the country’s policy changes in the coming year. Readers may appreciate small detours such as humor on occasion, but using it too often may

USAICoE Handbook 14 weaken a document’s argument or perceived importance. As such, remember that your audience should recognize the primary purpose immediately and that secondary purposes should not detract from the main one.

USAICoE Handbook 15

Breakdown of Standard 3: Voice

Sources: AR 25-50, Federal Plain Language Guidelines

Behavioral Anchor: Number of times the author uses passive voice when it was not necessary

Overview:

1. Active voice identifies the doer of action and uses simpler sentence structure

2. Passive constructions often lead to grammatical mistakes

3. Only use passive when the doer of action is unknown or the recipient of action must be the priority.

What to Expect: Instructors will count the number of passive voice constructions in your document to see if they interfere with clarity.

Standard 3: Voice – Active vs. Passive Constructions

Emphasizing the Doer of Action vs. the Recipient

Voice is about emphasis. As a matter of both clarity and priority, the US Army prefers the use of active voice rather than passive voice in correspondence.

AR 25-50 recommends using simple sentences with a clear subject (DOER), an active verb (ACTION), and a descriptive object (RECEIVER).

The pattern looks like this:

Active Construction: DOER ACTION RECEIVER

Active Voice: 2LT Jones introduced General Smith to the unit.

Passive Construction: RECEIVER ACTION DOER

Passive Voice: General Smith was introduced to the unit by 2LT Jones.

Most conventions prefer active voice because

It simplifies the sentences, Shortens their length, And does not obscure the agent of action.

The active voice example emphasizes the role that 2LT Jones performed; he was primarily responsible and accountable for the General’s interactions with the unit.

However, the passive voice example obscures his role; instead, the presence of the General appears more important than who conducted the introductions. Similarly, a quick scan of the passive example might lead a reader to think that The General introduced himself to 2LT Jones.

If the receiver of the action in a sentence is up front, the sentence will be passive. Note that passive sentences are not necessarily in the past tense. They can be in any tense. Additionally, passive voice is not always a bad thing, even in Army Academic writing. If, for example, you are deliberately stressing the receiver of the action to serve a specific purpose then it makes sense to use passive voice.

Evidence of Passive Voice

There are two aspects of Voice that we can measure. First, how often is passive voice used generally throughout the paper? Second, is the usage appropriate and thoughtful or is it used out of ignorance or lack of editing?

Below, we’ve listed the behavioral anchors for this category. Because active voice is a priority in Army style writing, our measures are strict: advanced writing should use active voice for 95% or more of the paper. Awareness of the writing situation is critical here as well; while it is common during the draft

USAICoE Handbook 16 stage to slip back and forth between active and passive voice, the final should only use passive voice when there is a clear reason for doing so.

USAICoE Criteria

6 – Advanced 5 – Proficient 4 – Competent 3 – Developing 2 - Inexperienced 1 - Inadequate

Voice:

Passive or

Active

Uses active voice throughout the paper, only uses passive voice when deliberately stressing the receiver of the action over the doer. Rarely (0-

5% of the paper) uses passive voice

Paper employs passive voice less than 10% of the paper and only uses passive voice to clarify the receiver of the action when the subject is known

Paper employs passive voice in less than 25% of the paper; while occasionally distracting, passive voice is necessary to clarify the receiver of the action

Paper displays active voice for less than 50% of the paper;

however, there are 3 or more passive instances where active voice is more appropriate

Paper employs passive voice in excess of 75% of the paper;

additionally, there are 5 or more passive instances where active voice is more appropriate

Paper fluctuates between passive and active voice throughout without apparent reason or control

Passive with a Purpose: There are some instances where passive voice may be appropriate and persuasive, particularly if the doer of action is either less important than the recipient or altogether unknown.

For example, consider the sentence: “FOB STAR was attacked by persons unknown.”

In this case, we do not know the individuals who attacked the FOB.

Saying, “Someone” or “Persons Unknown attacked FOB STAR,” means leading the sentence with vague or ambiguous subjects.

Use your discretion as a writer and consider the needs of your audience.

If you can discover the active subject, return to Active voice: “An ISIL faction attacked FOB

STAR.”

As long as passive voice occurs with thoughtfulness, it will not distract the reader or take away from an overall active voice assessment.

Further Consideration: Changing Passive Voice Constructions to Active Voice

Use one of these three easy techniques to change passive sentences to the active version:

1. Put the doer up front:

a. Passive: The report was submitted by SGT Jones

b. New Active: SGT Jones submitted the report

2. Drop part of the verb:

a. Passive: The meeting was held at Fort Leavenworth

b. New Active: The meeting was at Fort Leavenworth

3. Change the verb:

a. Passive: He will be required to attend the final exam

b. New Active: He needs to attend the final exam

Fig. 7: Excerpt of the Voice criteria from the USAICoE Analytical Rubric.

USAICoE Handbook 17

Breakdown of Standard 4: Concision

Sources: AR 25-50, Federal Plain Language Guidelines, CGSC 22-2

Behavioral Anchor: Length of written units, including sections, paragraphs, bullet points, sentences or words.

Overview:

1. Concision means keeping written units as informative and short as possible

2. Decreasing length reduces risk of confusion and errors in writing

3. Only use passive when the doer of action is unknown or the recipient of action must be the priority.

What to Expect: Instructors will count the number of passive voice constructions in your document to see if they interfere with clarity.

Standard 4: Concision – Keeping Everything as Short as Possible

The US Army prefers the word “concise” over “succinct” because of a small -- but important --distinction between the two concepts. While “succinct” means keeping all information down to a minimum, to be “concise,” the author must consolidate the most amount of relevant information into the shortest possible space.

Building Blocks of Concision: Written Units

For correspondence, AR 25-50 provides the following guidance on concise expression:

All paragraphs are lean (no more than 10 lines or 1” deep)

All sentences or bullets are short (12-15 words)

All words are simple and succinct, using the simplest form of verb, no noun strings, and minimal abbreviations

In academic contexts, writers will have more freedom to express (and explain) complex lines of thinking and argument; as such, some paragraphs, sentences, bullets and words will exceed this guidance. For example, a research paper that contrasts the “major philosophical perspectives influencing postmodern nationalism and 21st century tactics of terrorism” would be hard-pressed to find a more concise way to summarize the topic.

Writers should take this advice with a proverbial grain of salt; as we explain in the section below on Style, even academic conventions recommend appealing to the widest possible audience. If the author can find a way to be more concise, the author must try to do so.

USAICoE Criteria

6 - Advanced 5 - Proficient 4 – Competent 3 – Developing 2 - Inexperienced 1 - Inadequate

Concision:

Keeping Everything as Short as

Possible

All written units (words, sentences, bullet points or paragraphs7) are lean8

One written unit exceeds the proscribed length

Two written units exceed the proscribed length

Three written units exceed the proscribed length

Four written units exceed the proscribed length

Five or more written units exceed the proscribed length

7 Not all assignments require paragraphs; for this requirement, the principle governs the practice. For whatever written units are required, the student could keep the writing as lean as possible.

8 Determine appropriate length (leanness) by convention; for example, paragraphs are no more than 10 lines for correspondence or 22 lines for academic essays

Fig. 8: Excerpt of the Concision criteria from the USAICoE Analytical Rubric.

USAICoE Handbook 18

Clarity in Writing (Excerpt from “Action Officer – Staff Writing”)

The following section is an adaptation of previously distributed material from the Combined Arms and Services School (CAS3); we have added examples and guidance pertaining to academic style.9

Write Short Paragraphs

1. Start each paragraph with a key point, topic sentence.

2. Give each paragraph a good header, if appropriate.

3. Use subparagraphs and lists when possible so key information stands out.

4. Maintain parallelism in your lists.

Discussion

1. Short, well-developed paragraphs keep the reader’s interest and reduce the overload of information for the reader.

a. Keep paragraphs to no more than 1 inch deep or six typed lines long.

b. Start each paragraph with the key point or topic sentence.

c. Give each paragraph in a memorandum a clear header.

d. Use subparagraphs and lists when possible.

e. Maintain grammatical parallelism.

i. Keep items in a series or list grammatically balanced.

ii. Create like grammatical constructions.

iii. Ensure that if you have a “1” you also have a “2”.

iv. Ensure that if you an “a” you also have a “b”.

2. This is an example of the structure of a typical paragraph:

Sentence 1: Topic sentence (The controlling idea of the paragraph) Sentence 2: Explanation/elaboration of the topic sentence (if needed) Sentence 3: Fact/example/illustration #1 to support the topic sentence Sentence 4: Fact/example/illustration #2 to support the topic sentence Sentence 5: Analysis (a sentence that answers the question “so what?”)

3. The paragraphs below show the same information presented in letter (or essay) style and in memorandum style:

a. Letter or essay style.

Cold weather training is important to our success in winter combat. Specifically, we must prepare our men and equipment for winter conditions. Our Soldiers must learn how to cope with the cold and prevent injury. They also need to know how their equipment holds up in cold temperatures. If we train them now, they will be ready for combat during the winter.

9 For original, see John Beckno, “Action Officer: Staff Writing,” Department of Defense Issuances, Defense Technical Information Center, accessed January 14, 2015, http://www.dtic.mil/whs/directives/plainlanguage/ActionOfficer_StaffWriting.pdf

USAICoE Handbook 19

b. Memorandum style.

Reasons for cold weather training.

a. To prepare soldiers to cope with the cold and to prevent injury.

b. To show them how their equipment holds up.

c. To ensure their success in winter combat.

4. Use clear paragraph headers (packaging). Since paragraph headers help you to organize your ideas and keep your reader on track, use them as often as necessary.

a. Use standard headers listed below, but write them as needed to describe the paragraph’s main point more clearly.

b. Omit unneeded paragraphs. For example, leave out the reference paragraph if you do not have any references. Omit the formal purpose statement if the purpose is already clear from the title.

c. In the last paragraph, state the point of contact (POC) if there is one. List the rank, name, office number, and telephone number of that person.

5. Use subparagraphs and subparagraph headers when possible. If you use them, readers will see the structure of your thoughts quicker and easier.

6. Create checklists when possible. If you create checklists, readers are more apt to do what you ask.

Too Long:

Requests for fire are transmitted to battalion FDC. Battalion FDC is in general control of battery FDCs. Upon receipt of a mission, BN FDC will transmit a FDO order designating the FDC to process the mission and the FD channel to be used. Observers and FDCs will monitor and acknowledge the FDO order, automatically switch to the designated channel and establish contact. Affected FDC will report by wire when contact is established, if possible.

Better:

a. Observers send requests for fire to battalion FDC since it controls battery FDCs.

b. The battalion FDO then issues an FDO order. He assigns both a battery FDC and a FD channel to process the mission.

c. The observer and battery FDC acknowledge the FDO order, then switch to the designated FD channel and make contact.

d. If possible, the battery FDC calls a battalion FDC by wire to confirm the contact with the observer.

7. Maintain strong parallelism in your subparagraphs and checklists. When creating subparagraphs, keep them grammatically balanced. Use a consistent sentence structure; either write in lists in full sentences or write them in sentence fragments.

Parallel:

Two traits of a strong leader are a dedication to the accomplishment of the mission and a strong sense of caring for the welfare of Soldiers.

USAICoE Handbook 20

Not Parallel:

Two traits of a strong leader are dedication to the accomplishment of the mission and to care for the welfare of Soldiers.

Use Short, Conventional Words

Limit long words (three or more syllables) to 15 percent of your total.

Avoid jargon, clichés, double-talk, and legalese.

Use precise, concrete words rather than abstract ones.

Discussion:

1. Use conventional language as much as possible.

a. Use plain English that is current. Strive for a conversational tone.

2. Limit long words to about 15 percent of your total. Mark the long words (three or more syllables) and replace them with short words that carry the same meaning.

Examples:

Long words: initiate terminate promulgate installation Short words: start end issue post

3. Use precise, concrete words rather than vague, abstract ones.

Examples:

Weak: The applicant’s signature on this correspondence is required.

Better: Please sign Block 9

4. Avoid wordy, smothered verbs (also called “buried verbs”).

Smothered Un-smothered

Make a decision decide

Give a call to call

Conduct an inspection inspect

5. Cut the confusing jargon and double-talk.

Weak Strong

To plus up to increase Downsized smaller Civilian residence home Nonstarter it will not work Mission accomplishment success Incomplete success failure

USAICoE Handbook 21

6. Eliminate legalese

Weak Strong

Herewith enclosed is Here is

It is incumbent on you You must

Write Short Sentences

Keep most sentences between 12 and 20 words.

Rarely should a sentence exceed 25 words.

Do not put more than one main idea in a sentence.

Cut out wordy phrases and repetition.

Avoid sentence stretchers (it is, there is, there are).

Place subjects and verbs close to the front of the sentence.

Do not use long subject phrases.

Use transitional expression to avoid choppiness.

Do not overuse extravagant punctuation such as semi-colons, colons, and dashes.

Discussion:

1. Keep most sentences between 12 and 20 words. Strive for an average of about 15 words per sentence. In general, limit each sentence to what you can say aloud in one breath.

2. Shorten needlessly wordy expressions. Strive to cut 30 percent of the words you wrote in the draft.

Wordy: Due to the fact that most writers have a tendency to be wordy, we can probably cut approximately 30 percent of the words in a first draft without really affecting the meaning to any serious extent.

Better: Since writers tend to be wordy, cut 30 percent of the first draft. It probably will not affect the meaning.

3. Avoid needless repetition.

Repetitious Better

His duties and responsibilities His duties

Please review and comment Please comment

The importance and significance of The significance of

4. Cut sentence stretchers (it is, there is, there are, that, which)

Wordy Better

It is required that you attend the class. You must attend the class.

There is a meeting for them tonight. They must meet tonight.

There are many solutions to the problem. The problem has many solutions.

USAICoE Handbook 22

Negative Examples of wordiness:

“The combination of extensive knowledge about steroids in addition to the positive portrayal of this information creates a reliable website worth assessing to attain information pertaining to steroids.”

“In this light, the validity of the authors’ argument is called into question by equally valid sources that the other point of view is more reasonable.”

Negative Examples of putting more than one idea in a sentence:

“From the beginning of their article, the authors offer a complete history of the major advances in biotechnology starting with the discovery of DNA, while continuing on to conclude with the three major applications of biotechnology: plant, animal, and bacteria.”

“The ethos of the authors is suitable for their audience of a person who is already informed on the issue of youth being drawn into gangs and open to new ideas about how to correct the current problems with the penal system.”

5. Avoid Extravagant Punctuation

Use semi-colons, colons, and dashes infrequently. Rarely use parentheses. Never use exclamation marks.

Negative Example: “Steroids -- otherwise known as Performance Enhancing Drugs (PEDs) -- are a hotly debated issue; the subject has damaged the reputation of virtually every major sport:

baseball, football, cycling, track and field.”

USAICoE Handbook 23

Breakdown of Standard 5: Accuracy

Sources: AR 25-50, Chicago Manual of Style, A Writer’s Reference, CAS3

Behavioral Anchor: Number of error patterns in spelling, punctuation, grammar, mechanics or citation.

Overview:

1. Accuracy impacts the author’s credibility, integrity, and persuasiveness

2. Frequent errors create confusion and disrupt communication

3. Taking ownership for spotting and fixing accuracy problems is the fastest way to improve

What to Expect: Instructors will examine your work for patterns of errors in each Accuracy category

Standard 5: Accuracy

Be Correct, Credible, and Complete

1. Errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar, and usage many times cause confusion and/or distract the reader. In most cases, you lose credibility. To gain the reader’s confidence, make sure your work is generally free of mistakes.

2. Use correct spelling, punctuation, grammar, and word usage.

a. Use standard written English and the conventions of proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

3. Be thorough, factual, and logical.

a. Make sure your paper is complete in presenting all necessary information.

b. Make sure your facts are correct.

c. Check the logic and objectivity of your writing.

USAICoE

Criteria 6 - Advanced 5 - Proficient 4 – Competent 3 – Developing

2 -

Inexperienced 1 - Inadequate

Accuracy:

Reducing

Reader

Distractions

Uses standard written English and the conventions of proper spelling, punctuation, grammar, mechanics, and citation without visible mistakes10

Between 1-2 errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar, mechanics; no errors in citation11

Between 3-4 errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar or mechanics; no errors in citation

Less than 4 errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar or mechanics that could have been corrected in proofreading;12 no errors in citation

5 or more errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar, or mechanics; 1-2 mistakes in citation formatting or a single, major mistake13

In excess of 6 errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar or mechanics; 3 or more mistakes in citation formatting or more than one major mistake

10 At this level, some stylistic choices may appear to be “errors” at first glance; for example, using passive voice may be appropriate when the “doer” of action is unknown.

11 Count the number of errors by patterns, not instances. For example, misusing commas ten times still counts as a single error, because the multiple instances show a single pattern.

12 For example, the writer displays the convention correctly at times and incorrectly at others – indicating that the author understands the rules but does not apply them uniformly.

13 Major mistakes put the writer’s academic integrity in jeopardy; for example, missing an entire entry on the bibliography or using a “dropped” quote raises questions of plagiarism or gross carelessness. Minor mistakes damage the author’s credibility; these include any formatting error that does not omit, obscure, or ignore authorship and publication information.

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Spelling

Misspelling words is a pretty quick route to damaging your credibility when submitting any type of written work. Recognizing commonly misspelled words is one way to grow your vocabulary. There are several websites that highlight the most commonly misspelled words which we will list at the end for your further reading reference. If in doubt, always check an online or hardcopy dictionary.

Excerpt from List of Commonly Misspelled Words14

Other websites with commonly misspelled words for reference:

14 Nordquist, Richard, “The 200 Most Commonly Misspelled Words in English,” About Education, accessed January 14, 2015, http://grammar.about.com/od/words/a/misspelled200.htm absence accommodate achieve acquire across address advertise advice among apparent argument athlete awful balance basically becoming before beginning believe benefit breathe brilliant business calendar careful category ceiling cemetery certain chief citizen coming competition convenience criticize decide definite deposit describe…